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Alan was different as anyone who noticed the quiet, effeminate boy knew. He took typing in a class full of girls, stared longingly at the teen girl magazines at the corner store, and drew pictures of women�s fashions that he longed to wear. But is wasn�t until he stood up to a bully that he started to not hide his true nature. (That bully had some personal discoveries to face as well.)

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    The bathroom mirror confirmed my hopes. I now knew I had the right facial bones and features along with the slender figure... without being a freak on display. I would be a real girl, albeit a girl with a "difference", pursuing the lifestyle of a beautiful, glamorously sophisticated, powerful, successful woman. I fantasized this version of 'me' would have a succession of lovers but I was not at all certain if my lovers would be women, men or an undreamed of combination.

    I knew this to be an impossible dream, a weird jerk-off fantasy so I put it aside and thought of it only in that special instant between waking and sleeping. And yet this strange reverie came to invade my dreams both night and day. It soon became my one major dream, the great hope that kept me going.